Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
