is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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