Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
