We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
