oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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