I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
