how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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