i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
