Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
