I'm eating all of the evidence.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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