You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Randomize
