it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
