We won't sleep together?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
