WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
