I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
