It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
