my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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