so that wasnt chicken after all
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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