No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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