This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
