MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
