if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
