white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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