i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
