I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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