I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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