Moan for me like Helen Keller
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
