You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just had sex on a roof
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
