im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
