I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
