ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize