I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
