My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
