She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize