Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
