I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
