that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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