Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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