You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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