his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Be still, my beating vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
