Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize