so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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