in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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