I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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