I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
