he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
