you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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