why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
