So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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