he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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