I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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