Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
