the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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