Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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