I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
