I think I died a long time ago.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the day after is always just damage control
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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