I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
