New invention idea: vibrating tampons
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize