Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
