If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
