is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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