I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize