Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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