The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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