Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
