she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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