all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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