I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He called his prostate his "boner button".
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
