I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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