nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
