I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
